the tale of Jane Eyre

It is the last day of the year 2010, a most trying year for me, and I am back to composing an entry for this blog site. I am not in my most cheerful moods today yet resolved to put either words into order or thoughts into words, and have likewise resolved to place random entries every convenient interval throughout the coming year.

I wish fervently that I were more enthusiastic at this present moment. Something has undoubtedly vexed me, and I find myself more disturbed in some sense--or should I say, more saddened?

These feelings arose when I started reading the Victorian novel entitled Jane Eyre. I am on vacation (until the third, that is) and I felt the longing to indulge into some classic stories; I have always cherished a perpetual interest in literature, a thirst for adventurous, intellectual, even provoking pieces of literary work--such joy in reading, sometimes being united with the author in thought, or lost in the plot as a spectator, maybe a detective or a student at times, a judge, or an active reader who looks into the emotions and actions of the book's principal actors. I am often lost in the imaginary world created by the talented, albeit I have the habit of checking whether their views in life, often revealed in a character's thought or soliloquy, are indeed worthy of praise and example, or differing widely to the set of rules in life which I feel to be just, right and ethical. One cannot simply take in certain ideas which are not in synchrony with his or her principles at all times.

I must say, though, that the first chapters of Jane Eyre exposed a sympathetic side of me. Tears just started to flow as I read how Jane Eyre, the novel's heroine, was physically abused as a child, how she was falsely accused in front of the other young girls who were her schoolmates, how she lost Helen Burns, such a dear friend who seemed to me as one with pureness of mind and spirit. It was just too much for a ten year old orphan, I thought to myself.

The next scenes in her life portrayed a mixture of events: amusing, horrifying, romantic, relieving, mysterious; the general air had been melancholic yet inspiring, for she pursued what she deemed was morally correct. In many instances, I accept the general trend of thought in Jane Eyre's very character; the reservation I have probably stems out from the different perspective I hold regarding life and that of the God's character.

I think that I shall never forget her story or the feelings stirred within me as I finished reading. There is no unaccounted praise for the love story. Perhaps I feign a simple prayer for her happiness, imaginary as the character is, which may truly be for those Jane Eyres who are living and breathing and hoping for tranquility and true happiness in spite of the trials and hardships in life.

In about five hours, a new year begins. May the Balm of Gilead heal the wounds, and strengthen us throughout another year.

of phone calls and relationships

Relationships are phone calls. There are those that we totally expect--to our delight or to our dismay--and those that excitingly take us by surprise. There are those that we receive and there are those that we miss; there are short, straightforward ones or long and chatty ones; and there are those that we easily forget and those that stick in our silly heads for quite some time.

Like phone calls, there are relationships that we do receive in pronounced clarity and stability. Conversations are seemingly a clear, flowing river: constant and well maintained. They are those that, without surprise, give us the best and most secure moments.

But there are those received in bad light--or must we say, bad signal? Everyone hates bad calls, and likewise, bad relationships.

Then there are those relationships that are put 'on hold'. Yes, there is a conversation to be had, a connection with the other person, but it's just put 'on hold'. "Please wait because there are more pressing priorities." "Kindly stay on the line. The system is really busy, please understand." "Your call is important, but no one's available to cater to your needs at the moment."

Or maybe, that someone on the opposite end is just entertaining someone else' call.

Phone calls and relationships also share other similar experiences, such as hang-ups, long distance arrangements, and even being 'unlimited'. A little costly, maybe. And on some cases, either of these might just be too timely and relevant as to save our lives.

It's never too late to give a hearty phone call to the ones we treasure most, and to stick to nurturing a significant relationship before the call ends.

life through rose-colored glass

Hold me close and hold me fast

The magic spell you cast
This is la vie en rose

When you kiss me heaven sighs
And though I close my eyes
I see la vie en rose

When you press me to your heart
I'm in a world apart
A world where roses bloom

And when you speak, angels sing from above
Everyday words seem to turn into love songs

Give your heart and soul to me
And life will always be
La vie en rose

cold front

The past weeks were kind to the sleepyheads--very generous even--with the cool breeze and cloudy skies. Those were days when hunger was constantly knocking at my door, and nothing too significant was done except gather sweet dreams.

The icy tail of the cold front and the blow of the Amihan had been synergistic forces. They were almost some magic formula for increased sales of sweaters and jackets, increased attention for weather reports, and decreased interest for school lessons.

And yes, there had been some internal coldness. Nothing that could not be cured by a bowl of hot noodles, though.

long, heavy weekend

Two and half days indulged in Jose Rizal's life in Europe and it felt like being introduced to his intellectual strategies to eliminate the cruelty that was widely spread in the Philippines. The patriot was no rich traveler; it's heartbreaking to note that on more than one occasion he fell into hunger and hopelessness, yet it's equally heartwarming to discover that his wit and quick humor did him well as to become associated with and respected by great men of Europe, such as Rudolf Virchow.

However, I should like to express my great disappointment in the 2.25-inch thick single-volume Hutchinson Encyclopedia for the reason that it does not contain an article about the Philippines.

My weekend isn't over, but my reports aren't either! What a shame.

From Jose Rizal's A las Flores de Heidelberg:

Go, flowers of a foreign land,
Sown by travelers along the way,
Go to my country, and beneath her blue skies,
Guardian of my desires,
Tell of this wanderer,
And of his faith that is nourished by his native soil.
Go and tell-tell how even when dawn
Opened your petals for the first time
Beside the frozen Neckar,
You found him beside you, thoughtful and silent
Amid the spring that never fails to come.

May his iron determination inspire those of us who need a little push to pursue our visions.

new year and a new life

Today is the first day of year 2009, and after a heavy dose of macaroni salad coupled with chocolate cake--as far as I'm concerned--my day is done. Not that food easily lifts my spirits; perhaps a plate of sweet servings should complement an energetic mind especially at this very moment when an individual decides to shift the course of his or her life.

The shifting of one's life never gets too far, though. The feeling somehow manages to fade away with the food or with the sensation it brings along. But because it is a lovely feeling to have recharged willpower and because humans have yet to face 365 full days before another start, I resolve to fill myself with positive plans to live a better life.

The previous year had been full of memories: sets of photographs, a number of good books, an imaginary list of fast food chains, enough heartaches, short trips, coffee shops and coffee, devastating failures, a whole lifetime of homework, internship, exciting movies, laughter and tears altogether. Wonderful, but I wouldn't mind looking forward for another round of priceless moments.

I'm not too optimistic, am I? The clock is forever ticking and I have got to start somewhere.

Merry new year, everyone.